Monday, March 14, 2011

Let's Talk About Sex

It’s time to start our own sex education with our daughters. With 71 out of 1,000 girls between the ages of 15-19 becoming pregnant in 2006 there is clearly something awry with our current sex education. Let us be honest, the schools have no real vested interest in the sexual health of our young people.

Years ago we called the sex talk the birds and the bees or the flowers and the trees. These archaic phrases alone imply that sex is merely an act that is done only for reproduction and any enjoyment we may or may not get from it is purely coincidental. Yes, technically that is what sex is about. But let’s face it; this is not what teens have on their mind when they engage. Talking about sex may bring up images of eye rolling, huffing and heavy sighs and slumped shoulders on the part of our young teenage girls. Yet, it must be addressed and we cannot wait until they’re sixteen, busty and curvy to start discussing it. Truth is, by 14 or even younger they’ve already formed their own truth about the whole thing—if they aren’t already having some form of sex.

Talking about sex is much more comprehensive than the act itself. The desire begins in the heart and the decision to act on it is more than just a moment in heat. It is a conscious decision on the part of a teenager to commit a part of themselves to another person for whatever reason they may have. So we must begin when they are very young. We start out by talking about self image and our purpose as created beings. The conversation should begin when our girls are knee-high and asking questions about the existence of God and where babies come from and why Johnny’s “thing” looks different than theirs. It is up to us as mothers and fathers to instill a sense of God-consciousness about their existence. This sense is directly related to our self-consciousness because we were created by Him and for Him. We must build up their self-love and appreciation of their body, mind and spirit. They are all important to God and they must be important to them. We should create an open-ended discussion not a probing so that the door swings both ways to talk and ask questions. Our talk about teenage sexuality is more than just about dos and don’ts and scaring them with myths.

Then, as they approach teen years talk about sex! Find out what they know, dispel myths. Don’t run from the truth—sex not only feels good but it can be a vehicle to get whatever we want; attention from boys, popularity and a good time. Sex can fill many voids—however temporary. The only way to make sure the principles of a sound, healthy self-image isn’t compromised with temporary fulfillment is to talk early and often!

Hormones will rage by the time they are sixteen. That long-term relationship with that boy is going to be tested. Kissing may turn into touching and touching may lead to intimacy. But if we teach early our girls will have what they need to make sound decisions. Before they get caught up in the moment they need to know beforehand that the moment will come. They should not be swayed to do something because they feel they pressured to take the relationship to the next level. Sexual intimacy it is an act which engages much more than our sexual parts. It includes our mind and spirit. It is giving of one’s self and must be a personal and deliberate decision based on what is good and right for both.

And pray. Even as tots, we should pray for the virtue of our daughters. Pray that God will cover them. Pray daily and nurture—build them up from the inside out. Our young girls deserve it.

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